the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
