just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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