i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
