I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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