My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
