one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
