lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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