Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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