kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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