I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
