We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
