I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
