Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
