i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
