dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
