I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
