What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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