Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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