After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
