It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
