Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
