I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
