mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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