I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news, I just burned my penis
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
