Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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