cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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