You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
