I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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