About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
