Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
