Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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