i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
