We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
