hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
