basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
