Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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