I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
