the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
