Christians are straight up FREAKS
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
