he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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