forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
