OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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