Four minutes until I can fart!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't turn off my feet"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
