How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
