please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
