I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
