look no pants
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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