Christians are straight up FREAKS
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
high people should be assigned attendants
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize