I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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