Umm I'm too high to move.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
