It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
