Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
