apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
